I AM WIDOW, HEAR ME CRY!
I was hiking with a friend the other morning, telling her how I’ve been having a rough couple of days. I’ve been sad, weepy, on edge. I’m at an age where I wonder, Is this hormonal? When I mentioned this, she laughed. She looked at me and said. “It’s grief! It just doesn’t stop or come to an end because you’re living your life.” Of course. Her response was so spot-on that I started to cry. Again. It was the second time that morning that tears poured out of my eyes... and it was only 8 a.m.
I miss my husband. I wonder where he is. I think of ways to get his attention, wishing for a sign, hoping to feel his presence...
LIFE AFTER DEATH: JUST ANOTHER PARTY
...I remember shiva as if it were a movie, in scenes and snippets. I think I wore a dress one day. My hair had been blown out. I only know this because my daughter remembers so clearly that when the hairdresser asked all cheery and professional, “How are you today?” I started sobbing and said, “My husband died yesterday, how are you?” I recall only moments. Even now, nearly three years later, I’ll run into someone from the neighborhood at the market or the library, or even the car wash, and a flash comes to mind, and I’ll think “you were there.”
WHY I HATE THE DMV LADY WHO TOLD MY DAUGHTER
SHE SHOULD LEARN TO DRIVE WITH HER DAD
...I’ve now had enough experience being a widow to know that people mean no harm, and truly don’t know what to say when they hear about Joel’s death. It’s awkward, unexpected, and simply, very sad. I can handle it, though. I’m an adult. My daughter on the other hand, is in the throes of teenage-dom. Emotions seem to run high all the time. All I have to do is sneeze in public to make her feel self conscious and not just embarrassed, but mortified. When Kylie Jenner’s new lipstick became available, you’d think my daughter won the lottery. When the color she wanted wasn’t available however, you’d think there was a death in the family. Well…
She’s growing up without her dad. She was thirteen when Joel died, and still called him daddy. I’m not sure if that would have changed.